One of the first struggles I faced after losing my son, Jet, was this question: “Who am I?”

Who am I if I’ve lost my only child?

Who am I if I no longer have someone to care for and tend to as I had for the past 18 years?

Who am I if the future I imagined is gone?

 

I suddenly felt like everything I had worked for mentally, physically, and emotionally had vanished, leaving me unsure of what I had left to hold onto.

 

As the mom of an only child, it’s easy to say my whole world revolved around him from the moment I found out I was pregnant. Of course, my husband holds a significant place in my life, but unlike a child, he wasn’t dependent on me for survival. Without realizing it, my sense of value had become completely wrapped up in one word: Mom.

 

As humans, we often attach too much of our identity to the people we care for or the roles we dedicate ourselves to. We see ourselves as Mom, Dad, Teacher, Sister, Business Owner, Nurse, and so on. We live in a constant pursuit of becoming something, being something, excelling at something—striving to make a difference and searching for our purpose. It becomes a non-stop race for achievement and success. And typically, this is how we measure our value. But in reality, these are simply roles we take on.

 

Roles don’t define our worth; they define our assignment. And assignments can change. If we let any single role determine “who I am,” then our identity becomes fragile and easily shaken when that role is lost or removed.

 

But when we shift our focus from “Who am I?” to “Whose am I?” our foundation remains steady.

 

1 John 3:1 says, “The Father has loved us so much! This shows how much he loved us: We are called children of God. And we really are his children.”

 

As sons and daughters of God, we don’t have to strive to achieve or become anything in order to receive His love. Our value comes from being made in His image - not from how successful we are at work or how good of a parent we are.  When we learn to see ourselves through His eyes and not validated by people and things of this world, we can stand firm and not lose our footing when life pulls the rug out from beneath us.

 

At the end of the day, roles may come and go, but our value remains - because I am not just “Mom.” I am God’s child—and that identity will never change.